Colors: Sweet As Candy
by Liv Wilder
Summary: Follow-up to 'Midnight Blue Yearning' now that baby Jackson is home. Fluff and nonsense. "She's rubbing vanilla-scented lotion into her hands and arms as she approaches, and Castle lifts his head from the book he's reading when he catches a waft of the delicious candy apple scent, trailing her with his eyes as she walks around the foot of the bed to her own side to climb in."
1. Chapter 1 - Everything Has Changed

_A/N: This is the final part of the pregnancy storyline I seem to have stumbled onto when I wrote 'You're The Cream in My Coffee', followed by 'Thin Blue Line', 'Midnight Blue Yearning' and 'Brighter Than Anything' if you haven't read them already. This final storyline was requested by BlueOrchid96 and it'll probably take two or three chapters to complete. Oh, and it's fluff, in case you hadn't guessed from the title. Hope you enjoy..._

* * *

_"Touch my skin, and tell me what you're thinking_  
_Take my hand and show me where we're going_  
_Lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me, __oh tell me what you're seeing"_

_"So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling_  
_what you feel now is what I feel for you"_

_**-Dido**, 'Take My Hand'_

* * *

_**Chapter 1: Everything Has Changed**_

She stands in the bathroom for ten minutes every morning after her shower and then again every night before they go to bed, massaging the special oil she ordered online into her scars. He's pretty sure she thinks he doesn't notice – the lotion thing that is – since she's the detective in the family and stealth is somehow her gift. And, yes, he'll freely admit that it's clearly never been his. But he does - he notices. Because the scars upset her and she feels self-conscious enough to try to hide them from him and because when it comes to Katherine Beckett-Castle he notices pretty much everything, just as he always has, only now there is so much more for him to see.

Now, instead of just the steely, feisty, super-smart, independent detective he met all those years ago, he sees his wife and the mother of his son, Jackson, step-mom to his grown-up daughter, Alexis, the perfect daughter-in-law to his eccentric but loveable mother, Martha, and a loving, loyal daughter in her own right to her dad, his father-in-law, Jim. They are a family now. And just as much a part of that family are their friends: Lanie, Javi, Kevin, Jenny, baby Niamh, even Captain Gates.

* * *

Clicking off the light switch, she drifts through the bathroom door in her night attire – a blush pink, washed out Henley she's taken to wearing lately, since it's easy to feed Jack during the night, and a soft pair of cotton boy shorts that show off her amazingly long, toned, tan legs.

She's rubbing vanilla-scented lotion into her hands and arms as she approaches and Castle lifts his head from the book he's been reading when he catches a waft of the delicious candy apple scent, trailing her with his eyes as she walks around the foot of the bed to her own side to climb in.

"Little guy go down okay?" he asks, setting his open book flat on the comforter to watch her set the alarm on her phone and then flip the covers back, her ponytail bouncing like a cheerleader's, her face relaxed and peaceful as it seems to be at the end of every day since she brought their son home safely from the hospital.

"Out like a light. Definitely takes after his daddy where sleep's concerned," she tells him, wriggling on the mattress to get comfortable, and then leaning over to kiss his puckered chin when he pouts.

"Being a good sleeper is not something to be mocked, Beckett, let me tell you," he argues back. "Alexis took after her mother – loud, flighty. She barely flirted with sleep for the first few months let alone made friends. We should be grateful Jack takes after me."

"Uh-huh," grins Kate, patting the covers smooth over her lap. "Never stops eating either," she mutters, giving him a playful nudge.

"Skinny, fussy babies are a overrated. Good appetite in a man is a sign of fortitude," he tells her, punctuating his remark with a close-fisted punch in midair.

"Castle, he's eight weeks old," laughs Kate. "Fortitude? He barely knows he has toes."

"Are you mocking me? And are you trying to tell me you're not delighted to have a baby who eats and sleeps well? Because those sleep-deprived mothers down at the park will _maul you_ if you boast about that. Believe me."

"No, babe, I am," Kate replies, stroking his cheek with her thumb, looking into his eyes with that happy, adorable smile on her face, her focus fuzzing out for a second she's so close to him.

He holds her gaze, and God save him from how much he loves her – every complicated, difficult, uncomfortable second it took to be with her now forgotten; like birth pains, he imagines, if men ever gave birth.

She takes his breath away.

* * *

Kate drops her hand from his cheek the moment they lock eyes for just a fraction of a second too long, and he feels it – this slight hesitancy, the micro layer of awkwardness between the pair of them. It's nothing major, but it's definitely there, and he wonders for the umpteenth time in days what it's all about.

He clears his throat when Kate turns away to reach for her own book.

"Speaking of sleeping well," he begins, touching her knee where her leg is now bent into a sharp peak beneath the covers. "You know, we should really make use of Jack's big sister while she's home from college and he's so settled. Plan a night out. Just the two of us," he suggests. "Romantic dinner, we can get dressed up, really push the boat out. What do you say?"

To say that Kate looks reluctant is the understatement of the year. She looks something verging on terrified.

"Hey, what's up? Is it Alexis? Because she is _totally_ responsible. And Jack loves her. I saw the two of them sitting in the rocker this morning. She was singing to him, Kate. It was _the_ most adorable—"

Kate lays a hand on Castle's arm, pats it once and then squeezes lightly.

"Hey, I know. She's the best big sister he could have," she says quietly, gently.

"Then what's wrong? Are you worried about leaving him? Is that it? Because we don't have to go far. We could stay in Soho. Walk a couple of blocks to get dinner and then we'd be able to come home immediately if Jack needed us. How about that?" he suggests, tentatively.

* * *

Kate can't tell him that date night, in her mind at least, would mean dressing up and then, later, undressing in front of him. That in her mind there is an implied expectation of how the evening will end. They haven't had sex since Jack was born. Her body feels different since the stabbing and she can't tell if it's just a natural reaction to giving birth, the emergency C-section, the other scars she fears mar her body now as a result of the attack or purely the adjustment she has had to make to becoming a mother, to being tired a lot of the time, hormones, breast feeding…

The changes are all so overwhelming and her own mom isn't around to ask, that's for sure.

She watches Castle sometimes, standing in the shower stall, his large, muscular frame blurred a little by steam and condensation through the glass but still defined by his abundant masculinity all the same, and she covets him, can't believe that he is hers – her husband. And then she feels guilty that her own hang-ups are keeping her from being with him, from pleasuring them both. There are nights she aches with need but can't quite bring herself to reach for him in case she disappoints him or has to stop part way through; trusting herself and her new body the main barrier to intimacy. A body she was so used to relying on in any circumstance. A body she was proud to display. A body she must grow to love once more.

Castle is infinitely patient, hasn't raised so much as an eyebrow in her direction, save to let her know that he loves her, loves everything she has given him, admires her immensely for all that she's been through to give him a son. He boosts her confidence as a new mother, defers to her growing skill, even hiding his own proficiency with diapers and feeding and understanding the complex signals from their newborn in those early days, all to support her. And this is such un-Castle like behavior - hiding his own prowess at anything - but it's generous and selfless nonetheless.

And he manages to make her feel like a woman still, even if she hides herself away from him these days; not yet confident enough to parade her postpartum body in front of him. But she hates feeling like this, knows she has to get over it. She sees how much he still desires her – his looks and gentle touches abundantly clear – and the way he holds her as she sleeps: such tender care and safe hands that say '_I will be with you forever. You are mine now and I am yours'._

* * *

"How's Thursday?" she asks, with more confidence than she feels, turning to glance at him when his head shoots up from his book. "I…I mean if Alexis is free. Obviously we need to check, but—"

He smiles so widely at her that Kate's heart aches in her chest. How pleased and excited he seems at being granted an evening alone with his wife.

"Be right back," he declares, vaulting out of bed and skidding across the wooden floor.

"Rick…" she laughs, shaking her head at his crazy antics.

Five minutes pass, then ten, and Kate feels her head nod forwards, jerking the back of her neck when she temporarily drifts off, the book dropping out of her hands.

Castle creeps back into the bedroom, dims the lights and then crawls in beside her, careful to keep his cold toes to himself.

"We're on for Thursday. Won't even let me pay her," says Castle, plumping up his pillows.

"He's her _brother_," laughs Kate. "But you're sure she doesn't mind?"

"Nope. Actually suggested I take you away for the night. But don't worry, I told her I couldn't prize you away from Jack for a whole night. At least not yet. We'll start with a couple of hours and work up from there."

* * *

Again Kate feels a shiver of fear pass through her. But it's coupled with something that feels suspiciously like delicious anticipation this time.

So she makes a plan – visit the beauty salon for a wax, full mani-pedi, maybe even some new lingerie from that boutique over on Grand.

Yep, it's time to get back in the saddle, Mrs. Castle, she tells herself, as she reaches over to kiss her husband goodnight before turning out the light. And don't spare the horses.

* * *

_**Candy**_, _noun_: _Candy is a pink color variant. Pink is any of the colors between blueish red (purple) and red. Commonly used for Valentine's Day and Easter, pink is sometimes referred to as "the color of love." The use of the word for the color "pink" was first recorded in the late 17th century. Candy is the North American word for 'sweets' (sugar candy) as used in such terms as Candy Cane, Candy Bar and Cotton Candy._

* * *

_A/N: Love to hear your thoughts if you have time. Liv_


	2. Chapter 2 - But Some Things Remain

_A/N: Ooops! I think I did it again. This looks like being more like four chapters long..._

* * *

_"Wise men say only fools rush in_  
_but I can't help falling in love with you_  
_Shall I stay_  
_would it be a sin_  
_If I can't help falling in love with you"_

_"Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
_Darling so it goes_  
_some things are meant to be_  
_take my hand, take my whole life too_  
_for I can't help falling in love with you"_

_**-Elvis Presley,** 'Can't Help Falling In Love' _

(the Andrea Bocelli version is amazing)

* * *

_**Chapter 2: But Some Things Remain The Same**_

Kate blows on her nails – a sweet, soft pink color - shimmery and iridescent, like mother of pearl. The little bottle of Essie nail polish in _Sugar Daddy_ that she brought home from the salon sits on the vanity, the top screwed on tight, her fingernails now a perfect match for her toes.

She wiggles her toes into the fluffy loops of the white cotton bathroom mat, flapping her hands out in front of her to aid the drying process so that she can get dressed while things upstairs are quiet.

* * *

She had to cut her trip to the beauty parlor short today when Castle showed up at the storefront window with Jack in his high-set Stokke Xplory stroller, the infant yelling the street down for his next feed.

"What happened to the milk I expressed this morning and left in the refrigerator? Castle, there were two whole bottles in there," she had whisper-hissed, pink-cheeked, in front of the other patrons, while Castle jiggled a red-faced Jackson against his shoulder, baby drool lacing a damp spider web across his black jacket where the little man gummed his coat hungrily, swatting his father's shoulder with an uncoordinated punch from his tiny balled up fist that was more miss than hit.

"He drank them both already," daddy Castle had confessed proudly at full volume, to a loud chorus of "_Awws_" from the assembled group of female customers.

The Filipina beautician has smiled sympathetically, but ultimately wanted the screaming child out of her salon. The baby's loud wails were drowning out the soothing whale noises coming from the store's sound system and turned out the two were not compatible sound effects for a relaxing atmosphere.

So Kate had donned her flip-flops, commandeered her baby to cover up the damp patches blooming on the front of her navy linen t-shirt at the sound of her child's hungry cries, and had hastily left the salon to get him away from the noxious fumes and give him a feed as soon as possible.

Back out on the street she had grabbed a large cotton cloth from the stroller to cover her modesty while they sat outside a café on Spring Street to feed Jackson and have a leisurely catch-up in the sunshine.

* * *

The thing cost a fortune – the stroller, not the baby - although at the rate Castle was buying clothes and toys for their son he was quickly catching up. But back to his lordship's mode of transport for a second, which they had purchased a week after his early birth.

"It's the Ferrari of strollers, Beckett", Castle had proudly informed her in the showroom of _Giggle_, a high-end children's store on Wooster Street, baby Jack strapped to his chest as she had moved along behind them, slowly, her scars, her breasts and her poor back aching.

She had given in for a quiet life and a nap on the sofa before the next feed. Life had become all about doing what was easy for those first couple of weeks. She hurt like hell, her everything ached, her body felt foreign to her, and her baby was a mystery she thought she was never going to solve at times. Yep, she got a pretty good idea of how Castle had felt when confronted with her in the beginning. This adorable little alien creature: with her husband's temperament and her long, slim body and legs. When he cried she had no idea at the start – was he wet, hungry, tired, had she pinched him, was he sad? Did babies even get sad? He baffled her until she sat down with him one afternoon in the glider beside his crib and talked to him and the two of them had made a pact.

"Look, I'm new at this," she had told him, rocking back and forth as he suckled noisily at her breast, short pants of air snuffled in and out through his nose while he guzzled down milk. "And I know I'm letting you down, making a ton of mistakes. I feel your frustration, little guy, I do," she had whispered, stroking his cheek. "So can we make a deal? Give it some time and I'll try my hardest. Cut me some slack, because I'll figure it out in the end. I will," she had promised, feathering her fingers over his soft, glossy baby hair. "Oh, and Jack, don't tell daddy we had this little talk. Because he's way better at this than I am. But that secret's just between you and me, okay?" she had whispered, leaning down to kiss his warm forehead.

She knew her baby had no idea what she was saying, but it made her feel better to tell him these things anyway.

Castle had watched her from the doorway with tears in his eyes, and then he had slipped away down the hall, one hand pressed to his mouth, without her ever knowing he had been there.

* * *

The bra is so pretty: inky blue satin with a covering of black lace, it's supportive and well-structured since she's still feeding, but has none of the unattractive, unwieldy elements of an everyday nursing bra. The matching underwear is elegant, cut high enough to cover her lower incision. The scar from the attack still forms a jagged arc in the lower right quadrant of her belly, and she smooths her fingertips over it lightly, rubbing in the last of the oil that promises to diminish it to a mere shiny, pink line in a few months time.

"Bubs is calling for you," says Castle, startling her when he pokes his head around the partially open bathroom door.

Kate whirls around, her eyes widening in horror, only barely managing to stop herself from covering up her body with her hands and arms like some crazy prude in front of complete stranger.

"Well, look at _you_," he whistles appreciatively, admiring her from head to toe, his eyes quickly coming to linger covetously on her rather spectacular cleavage.

"Shoo! You're not supposed to be in here," she says, blushing with pleasure and pride, but nudging him out the door nonetheless.

"We're already married, Kate, in case you forgot," he jokes, since she is behaving like a superstitious bride who doesn't want the groom to see her in her wedding gown before the ceremony.

"I don't care. Go see to your son," she laughs, closing the door firmly behind him and then slipping a robe on over her lingerie to go outside and join them, curious as to what all the fuss is about since the baby isn't making any noise.

Jack is lying in the middle of their enormous bed, skinny arms outstretched, little legs punching the air, a silly, moist, gummy grin on his face as Castle makes insane noises above him and then dives his fingers towards the baby's tummy, threatening to tickle him. The baby blinks rapidly every time Castle approaches, and he's getting more and more excited, Kate can tell, as she walks over towards the bed, his little legs pumping the air more frantically every time.

"You're going to over-excite him and then he won't go down for Alexis," she gently chides Castle, standing slightly behind him to admire their son, rubbing a slow circle on her husband's back and then stretching up to kiss his shoulder.

"Did you confirm the reservation?" she asks casually, heading to the nightstand to put on her engagement ring and wedding band.

It's a ploy to find out where they're going tonight, since Castle has been determined to keep her in the dark over his plans for their date.

"Yip," he replies jauntily, popping out the sound, glancing up at her with a clever grin on his face and then back down at his son.

"Mommy thinks she's so smart," he sings to the boy, "But she's not. Daddy's smarter," he adds, leaning down to pick the baby up.

"Oh, daddy's smarter now, is he?" grins Kate, adjusting one of the bobby pins keeping her chignon in place.

Castle places the baby against his chest, carefully cradling his head, and then lifts him a little higher to sniff his rear.

"My diaper needs changing, mom" he sings, in a high-squeaky voice.

"Well, since daddy's so smart, I'm sure he'll change it for you. _Upstairs,_" she tells her husband pointedly. "While mommy gets dressed in peace," she adds, laughing when Castle begins to grumble, but heads out with the baby anyway, blowing her a kiss over his shoulder.

* * *

The black dress is hanging in their closet. She sidles in to look at it, reaching out to run her fingers over the silky, jersey fabric. It's been hanging there since before she got pregnant. A beautiful bargain she picked up in an independent Danish boutique on Greene Street one afternoon she had off work, while Castle was tied up in meetings. Before she moved in, before she got pregnant and before they rushed out to City Hall for a marriage license like two eloping teens.

She wore the dress just once before her bump began to show and wearing it again became both a challenge and a pipe dream. She's been eyeing it up for days now with tonight in mind, every time she skimmed past it to reach for her 'boyfriend jeans' – loose cut, soft and forgiving – or her fine collection of yoga pants and loose-fitting tees. Tonight is the night. She plucks the hanger determinedly off the rail and takes the dress into the bedroom for the big reveal.

She slips the shoulders off the hangar, gathering the pool of material in her hands in preparation for pulling it on over her head. One deep breath and she plunges headlong into the abyss.

Although it's jersey and does cling, the draped nature of the fabric is more forgiving than she remembers. Her enhanced cleavage actually makes the dress look better on now than before she had Jack, she's pleased to note; the low scoop at the front filled-out more fully by her curvier shape. She admires herself from both sides in the full-length bedroom mirror, feeling her confidence growing by the second, a thrill of excitement replacing the sick, nervous knot in her stomach.

* * *

A quiet knock on the bedroom door startles her from her preening.

"Alexis? Hey, come in. Is Jack okay? Your dad was supposed to be changing him. I hope he didn't rope you into—"

"No. No, it's fine. Relax. Dad's up there singing to him right now. They're having a ball," she grins. "I just wondered if you needed any help getting ready. But I see you have everything completely under control. Kate, you look amazing," the girl tells her, giving her an admiring one-over as she steps into a pair of black stilettos.

"You're sure this doesn't make me look too…?" asks Kate, plucking at the dress where it skims over her hips.

"Too what? Too much of a knockout? Dad's going to freak when he sees you," she declares, watching Kate's smile grow and then grow worried.

"Are…are you okay? Did I say the wrong thing?" asks Alexis, coming over to rub Kate's arm.

"No. No, you're really sweet. I'm just…" Kate shakes her head.

"Adjusting?" suggests Alexis, gently, with more understanding and maturity than Kate would have given her credit for.

"Yeah, that's a good word for it," concedes Kate, smoothing down her skirt. "Babies are a big adjustment. Don't rush it," she tells her stepdaughter, giving her hand a squeeze. "Plenty of time to be a mom."

"Don't worry. I've got a lot of dreams to fulfil before I get to that. Though Jackson _is_ adorable," she adds hastily. "Who wouldn't want a baby once you spend a little time with him."

"Still. No rush," repeats Kate, giving her a smile.

"Are…are you happy? You are happy, right? Both of you?" Alexis asks, with some concern.

"Oh, of course," reassures Kate. "I'm just being silly. Look, I spent the bulk of my adult life alone and focused on my job. So, like you said, it's an adjustment. But I love being a mom and I love your dad. I didn't mean to worry you."

* * *

"Who's worried?" booms Castle's amused voice, as he walks into the bedroom with Jackson cradled in his arms. "Oh, my! Buddy, look at mommy," he adds, whistling at Kate and holding up their son as if he could possibly see what his mom is wearing. "She looks like a supermodel," he whispers in the baby's ear, and the infant squirms at the sound.

"You got him changed okay?" asks Kate, deflecting from the question about worry.

"Powdered, primped and polished," declares Castle, handing the baby over for closer inspection.

He's wearing dove grey and white striped, footed pajamas with a little applique bear on the left side of the chest, a moon on the sole of one velour foot and a star on the other. The bear has his eyes closed and little z's coming out of the side of his head.

"I don't think I'll ever get enough of this smell," declares Kate, cuddling the baby closer to breathe in his fresh, powdered, baby-scent.

"Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can. You should have smelt what I had to deal with upstairs. That diaper gadget was the best thing we ever bought."

"I thought you said the stroller was the best thing," teases Kate. "I swear your dad is using Jack as an excuse to indulge his gadget obsession in a whole new arena," she jokes with Alexis.

"He has his eye on a digital musical crib mobile than syncs with your iPod," Alexis warns Kate.

"Traitor," hisses Castle, and Alexis sticks her tongue out at him.

"Why don't we go upstairs and let mommy and daddy finish getting ready," suggests Alexis, speaking quietly to Jack.

"Thanks," says Kate, handing the baby to his big sister. "I'll be right up to tuck him in," she promises, going over to her jewelry box to choose some earrings.

Castle rolls the sleeves of his dress shirt back down and then buttons up the cuffs.

"I didn't get a proper chance to tell you how amazing you look tonight, Kate," he tells her, coming up behind her to kiss the back of her neck, smoothing his hands down over her hips and giving them a light squeeze.

Kate's eyes drop closed and she lets out a long, slow breath, her whole body immediately beginning to tingle at her husband's touch.

"You look pretty hot yourself," she admits, turning to press her lips to his cheek, then lingering with her nose resting against his freshly shaved, smooth-as-silk jaw. "And I love this cologne," she murmurs, kissing him once more, before moving away, over to the closet to look for her jacket.

* * *

She runs up the stairs in her heels to see to Jack.

Alexis has settled him into his crib already – feet at the bottom - and the baby monitor is switched on.

"I left three bottles in the frig," she tells the girl. "That should be more than enough until I get home. He should sleep for the next couple of hours and then wake around nine-thirty," Kate rambles, un-tucking and re-tucking the blanket just exactly as Alexis already had it.

"Hey, we'll be fine," Alexis soothes, running her hand down Kate's back as she bends over Jackson's crib. "I've been living here, remember? The walls aren't that thick. I know his schedule," she reminds her stepmom gently. "And you have your cell phones, both of you. I'll call if there's a problem. Go, have fun. Dad's desperate to show you off," she tells her, grinning. "You look stunning, Kate. Jack and I are proud, aren't we Bubs?" she asks the sleepy baby.

Kate watches her son for a few seconds longer. His eyes open briefly, and then they blink heavily, dark lashes drifting up and down several times before they close for good and his lips purse into a puckered kiss that he mashes in and out a couple of times, accompanied by an adorable little frown.

"Did we actually make that?" whispers Castle, pressing himself in behind her so they can both look down besottedly at their child.

"Yes," grins Kate, running her finger lightly over his cheek. "Yes, we did."

"Don't wake him," Alexis warns her dad, when he reaches down to touch the baby's head. "I just got him down."

"Well, look at you mini-mom," Castle teases his daughter. "Actually, Kate, we should probably get going," he concedes, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

One last long look and Kate persuades herself to withdraw from the crib-side. "Be good for your big sister, little man," she whispers, blowing him a kiss.

They reach the door to the nursery, and Castle makes to turn around.

"No, don't look," whispers Kate, taking his hand. "He'll suck you right back in," she warns, tugging him off down the hallway towards the stairs.

* * *

"The restaurant name and number are on this piece of paper," Castle tells Alexis, covertly slipping the folded note into the palm of her hand. "We both have our cells, fully charged," he reminds her, as if they are embarking on some military operation and not merely a night out a few blocks from home. "Any problems, _call._ He should sleep until about…"

"Nine-thirty," sighs Alexis. "Yes, dad, I know."

"Are we fussing?" Castle asks Kate, while Alexis stands there with her arms crossed, barely putting up with the two of them.

"I think maybe just a little," concedes Kate, with an apologetic smile in Alexis' direction.

"We won't be late," she tells Alexis. "And thank you for doing this."

"Hey, no problem. You guys can return the favor some day," she jokes, watching her dad's eyes predictably widen in horror and go out on stalks.

"Don't worry, I already had that talk," Kate reassures her husband, tugging on his arm to lead him to the front door.

"Look after your brother," Castle tells Alexis, pointing at her fiercely.

"Yes, dad," she sighs. "Now, go! Look after your beautiful wife," she throws back at him, smiling when his face blooms into a picture of radiant dopiness.

"She is beautiful, isn't she?" he replies, allowing Kate to continue towing him towards the door.

"We're leaving now," declares Kate, opening the front door and swallowing hard, determined to do this for both their sakes, even though her sleeping newborn seems to be calling to her from his crib upstairs.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for reading and for all the lovely messages. I hope you will put up with this storyline a little longer. Liv_


	3. Chapter 3 - Getting To Know You

_A/N: The date. Hope it doesn't give you a toothache. I think this chapter might well be the 'sweet' of the title. ;)_

* * *

_"Whenever I'm alone with you_  
_You make me feel like I am home again_  
_Whenever I'm alone with you_  
_You make me feel like I am whole again_  
_Whenever I'm alone with you_  
_You make me feel like I am young again_  
_Whenever I'm alone with you_  
_You make me feel like I am fun again"_

_"However far away I will always love you_  
_However long I stay I will always love you_  
_Whatever words I say I will always love you_  
_I will always love you"_

_**-Adele**, 'Lovesong'_

* * *

**_Chapter 3: Getting To Know You All Over Again_**

Kate leans against the back wall of the elevator biting her lip and staring down at her shoes.

"Hey, they'll be fine," says Castle, gently, sympathetically, reaching out to chuck her chin with his fingertips.

"I know," replies Kate, still staring down at the floor, digging her teeth even harder into her lower lip to prevent it from quivering.

She opens her purse to check she has her cell phone with her - _again_ - and her fingers land on the soft, silicone nipple of a tiny, pale blue pacifier, and she almost bolts for the door right then, has to take a steadying breath just to tether herself to the spot and keep her hand away from reaching for the control panel, as the elevator begins to descend.

"I remember the first time I left Alexis alone with a sitter," he tells her, as if he can read her mind, smiling comfortingly when her head shoots up to look at him. "Meredith was off auditioning for some part and I couldn't persuade Paula to come to the house for a meeting, so…" he shrugs, eyes clouding with guilt at the memory. He clears his throat. "Anyway, I turned back _three_ times before I made it out of the apartment building," he confesses, with a rueful smile.

"You really had it tough with her, didn't you?" notes Kate, the question more rhetorical than anything.

"She was an adorable kid. I'd have done anything for her. Still would. Jackson too," he adds, giving Kate's shoulder a gentle nudge.

"They both lucked out in the daddy department, that's for sure," she concedes with a smile, nudging him back, the tightness in her chest easing just a little.

"What about the husband department?" asks Castle, trying to distract her further by fishing for compliments. "How'd _you_ do in that potluck contest?" he teases, finding her cool fingers in amongst the folds of her dress and capturing them in his large, warm hand.

"Oh, there was no luck involved, Mr. Castle," Kate replies, playfully, responding to his question with her part in these familiar roles they adopt with one another, as she turns to finger Castle's purple silk necktie. "I saw my man, I wore him down and then…" she pauses for effect, arching one freshly tweezed eyebrow.

"I knocked you up," fills in Castle, watching with delight as Kate dissolves into a peel of laughter, her distress and worry over leaving Jackson more or less forgotten for now.

* * *

They head out of the lobby and into the street where the heat of the evening hits them, the air so warm on their skin that Kate could easily have left her jacket at home. Castle offers her his arm, but she takes his hand instead, lacing their fingers together as they walk to the curb.

"So, where to?" she asks, grinning up at her partner. "Time to reveal the big mystery you've been keeping from me all week?"

"It's not that big of a mystery. Not really," he smiles, helping her step over a hole in the broken road surface as they cross to the other side of the street.

"Castle, you've been acting like you rented the TARDIS from Dr. Who and we're headed out to another galaxy to eat."

"Does _Polpo_ count? It's not quite another galaxy, but I thought you'd want to stay close to home this time and it's—"

"Where we went on our first date," smiles Kate, squeezing her husband's hand. "You had those tiny octopus with the crispy little legs and I had the…"

"Scallops with chorizo," replies Castle, grinning back at her adorably.

"I can't believe you even remember what I—"

"Ate?" finishes Castle.

Kate nods, close to speechless and close to tears.

"Because it was the first time I got you all to myself. An actual _date_ with Kate Beckett. I can still picture every tiny detail like it was yesterday," he tells her.

"Remember that waiter caught us out by the bathrooms?" grins Kate, her shining eyes widening at the memory.

"Yeah, you were pretty eager," smirks Castle. "Couldn't get enough of me back then."

"Oh, shut up!" laughs Kate, smacking him on the arm. "You were the one who texted _me_ from the men's room to come meet you in the corridor."

"And I didn't have to wait very long, as I recall," he points out, quite pleased with himself.

"Yeah, well…it had been a while. And you had that blue shirt on," Kate offers up, the excuse pretty flimsy and they both know it.

"Actually, _Detective_, my shirt was red," he counters cleverly, watching with delight as his wife squirms.

"Blue, red," she shrugs, blushing just a little. "Okay, you got me," she laughs, bumping him with her shoulder. "Don't rub it in."

"Point is, if someone had told me back then that you would agree to marry me and we would have that gorgeous little boy back there…" he shakes his head, staring at her tenderly. "Kate, I meant it when I said all my dreams come true. You both mean the world to me," he tells her, brushing his thumb under her eye to wipe away a tear.

"Me too," she nods, since it's the only words she can force past her constricted throat.

"Come on," he says, giving her hand a light tug. "Let's go to dinner before I get any more sentimental and ruin your perfect make-up."

* * *

Polpo is a small, Venetian, seafood restaurant tucked away in a quiet corner of Prince Street, close to where it intersects with Mulberry. They hold hands while they make there way there, chatting quietly about Jack, and about Castle's plans to have Nikki and Rook become parents at some point in future. Spending time together feels easy, familiar, and Kate would even say she is excited to be alone with her husband again, feels the definition of what it is to be a woman, as opposed to just a mom, come back into focus for her, leading her to flirt and laugh with Castle in a way that makes her feel lighter and more like her true self than she has in months.

She hasn't forgotten her son, not in the least, still craves the sight of him, the smell of him, the sound of his quiet gurgles and the feel of his soft, warm body against hers. She just realizes with a jolt that there are two Kate Becketts now – three if she includes her professional persona – and she vows to work on nurturing both of them, for her own sake, as well as Castle's.

The walk to the restaurant takes them fifteen minutes at most and by the time they get there, they've both worked up an appetite. The maître d' bows graciously, welcoming them back, and then escorts them to the small table they shared on their first night out as a couple. It's tucked away in a quiet little alcove, largely unseen from the front door, though Castle remembers being able to keep an eye out for in-coming patrons – when he could bear to tear his eyes away from his partner that was.

* * *

The date took place barely two weeks after Kate had shown up at his door the night of Alexis' graduation. They'd weathered the storm of Bracken's involvement in her mom's case and Kate's shooting, navigated sneaking around at work without people finding out about their relationship and spent almost every night holed-up in each other's apartments – time that was largely spent in bed, getting to know one another on a more intimate level.

Until one morning, when Castle simply failed to show up at the Precinct – no coffee, no adoring grin, no prior warning, just a text message sent to her phone that read:

'_I'm taking you out to dinner tonight, Detective. No arguments. Wear something dressy. Pick you up at 7.30pm. Rick x'_

Kate had grinned for at least half an hour after that, having to feign annoyance as she made her own coffee in the break room. She remembers the boys kept asking her if she and Castle had had a falling out.

He had shown up at her door at 7.30pm sharp that night with the largest bouquet of red roses in his arms and the biggest smile on his face.

She's grinning to herself even now as she recalls the memory.

* * *

"Hey, what's got you looking so happy?" asks Castle, as they settle down at the table.

"Just remembering the first time you brought me here," she admits, glancing around the restaurant and then looking directly at him.

"It's the roses again, isn't it?" he asks, wincing.

"They were beautiful," she consoles him, patting his hand.

"They were obnoxious overkill," he laughs, shaking out his napkin and then laying it in his lap, while the waiter does the same for Kate.

"I've never seen so many roses in one place, before or since," grins Kate.

"Okay. I was an ass," he cuts in, giving her a humbled look.

"You were so nervous, is what you were," she reminds him, with a tender smile.

"Because I really wanted to show you a good time. And I was getting tired of all the sneaking around. _Not_ that being cooped up in bed with you wasn't the stuff my dreams were made of," he freely admits. "But I was so proud of you, Kate. I wanted to let the world see my beautiful, clever, sexy girlfriend," he confesses, taking her hand.

His wedding band catches the light, the simple circle of platinum glinting, still as shiny and new looking as the day she slipped it on his finger not seven months ago.

"And you did…show me a good time, that is. I know it was hard to begin with," she tells him, her eyes roaming his face.

"The cloak and dagger stuff?"

"No. The not knowing what I was thinking, where we were going, whether this was serious. I wasted so much precious time being…I don't know, _independent_," Kate shrugs, toying with her butter knife.

She shakes her head and takes a sip of water.

"Yeah, but we got there in the end," consoles Castle, reaching into his jacket to withdraw something from his inside breast pocket.

"What's—?" asks Kate, her eyes widening as she stares at the small, black ring box now nestled in the palm of his hand.

"You have given me so much, Kate. So much more than even _I_ could have imagined when I met you all those years ago. You are…my best friend. I don't think I realized just how lonely I was until you entered my life. And now you've given me a son…"

Castle breaks off to pop the lid on the box.

Kate's breath catches in her throat when she sees what's inside, his admission of loneliness tugging at a matching hole inside of her; one they have filled in for one another.

"Castle—" she exclaims, pressing the fingers of her right hand to her mouth.

The Tiffany eternity ring sits nestled in black velvet, an elegant platinum band, channel-set with twinkling, brilliant round diamonds that form an unbroken circle.

"You mean everything to me, Kate," he tells her quietly, taking the ring out of the box and then gently holding her hand to slip it onto her ring finger alongside her wedding band and engagement ring.

"I'm…speechless. I don't know what to say," she tells him, holding her hand up to admire the ring. "It's so beautiful."

"Well, now you know how I feel every morning when I wake up beside you and every time I watch you nurse our precious son. You are extraordinary, Kate. And I just wanted you to know that."

"Come here," she whispers hoarsely, the words catching in her throat as she cups the back of his head and draws him to her for a tender kiss.

They break apart, grinning, when they become aware of their waiter clearing his throat nearby. But Kate pauses, the waiter be damned, to press another heartfelt kiss to Castle's lips, before sitting back in her chair.

"May I describe our especials for this evening?" the waiter asks with a heavy accent, and he may as well have been speaking Italian for all Kate and Castle hear, so engrossed are they in one another.

* * *

"You're wondering if he's still asleep, aren't you?" asks Castle, as they finish off their appetizers.

"How did you…?" grins Kate, playing with her ring while she tries not to check her phone.

"Because I was thinking the exact same thing," he confesses, nudging her foot with his own under the table.

"Are we pathetic?" asks Kate, staring down at Castle's cell phone, which he has placed face down on the tabletop.

"No. We're new parents. Everyone goes through this," he consoles her. "Give it six months and you'll be ready to leave him with practically any stranger that'll have him," he laughs, bumping her elbow off the table.

"No way. Never going to happen," says Kate, shaking her head emphatically.

"You mark my words. Uncle Javi will have Jack in one hand and a cold beer in the other before he's eight months old."

"Only if Lanie's there to supervise. I get the distinct impression Javier Esposito does _not_ know one end of a baby from the other. Did you see him holding Niamh the first time Jenny brought her into the Precinct?" she laughs. "I've seen guys handle live_ bombs_ with less care."

"Yeah, well, Ryan had been going on about the kid's 'explosive' diapers. Maybe that was it."

Kate wrinkles her nose, and takes another sip of Champagne.

"I think this might be going to my head," she tells him, gingerly placing the glass back on the table.

"You've had less than one glass. I remember the days when you could drink _me_ under the table," he reminds her.

"I'm out of practice," she points out, in her own defense. "And breast feeding."

"And breast feeding," concurs Castle, nodding thoughtfully. "Speaking off…"

"_Rick!_" exclaims Kate, giving him a silencing look when the waiter arrives to place their entrees in front of them.

"I was just going to compliment you on the elegant lingerie you're wearing," he whispers, once the waiter has departed to a safe distance.

"You noticed," smiles Kate, cutting into her stripped bass, more pleased by his flattering remark than she means to be.

"Kind of hard not to when your wife has a knockout body like yours," comments Castle, unknowingly hitting Kate's anxieties right on the nail.

* * *

In the next instant, she feels his socked toes running up the back of her bare calf and she pauses with her fork halfway to her mouth to stare at him. She's tingling…_all over_. The alcohol has loosened her up, the conversation has been teasing, flirtatious and fun, the phone hasn't rung, so Jack and Alexis are fine, and the gift Castle just presented her with – _wow!_

"Do you think they'll both be asleep when we get back?" she asks, pursing her lips in anticipation until he looks at her and reads what she's really trying to tell him from the glint in her eye and the slight pink stain on her cheeks.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Castle?" he whispers, dropping his knife to place one hand on her knee beneath the white linen tablecloth, gradually sliding it higher, his pinkie caressing the warm skin just beneath the hem of her dress where she has one leg crossed over the other.

"Is it working?" asks Kate, edging a little closer to him, one of her stilettos clattering to the wooden floor when it tumbles off her bouncing foot.

"Like you even have to try, Kate," he replies, with such naked honestly she can see it written all over his face: just how much he loves and desires her. "You never had to try with me. Not for a single second."

* * *

They finish the rest of their meal in near silence, stolen glances, furtive smiles and brief touches their only means of communication. And it feels so easy, so natural, so them.

"Would Sir and Madam like to see the dessert menu?" asks the waiter, materializing by their side. "A little tea or coffee perhaps?"

They look at one another, and Kate signals 'no' with a slight shake of her head and a squeeze of his hand.

"Just the check would be great, thanks," Castle tells the man, immediately turning his attention back to Kate.

"You sure you don't want a little something sweet to finish?" he asks her, lazily stroking his thumb back and forth over the tendons on the soft underside of her wrist, evidently enjoying the evening so much that he's reluctant for it to end.

"If this is where you tell me I'm sweet enough, Castle…" grins Kate, shaking her head at him.

"Wouldn't dare, Detective," he tells her, wisely. "_Although—_" he chuckles, waggling his eyebrows.

"Although nothing. No cornball lines from you tonight," she warns him, tweaking the tip of his nose with her finger.

"Ah, I remember a time not so long ago when my crazy charm worked on you," he jokes, feigning regret, folding up his napkin and then dumping it on the tabletop.

"And then, dear reader, I married him," grins Kate, setting her hand on Castle's thigh and squeezing it.

"_Now _who's the one with the corny lines," he laughs.

"I told you. This Champagne has gone to my head."

"Then let's get you home to bed," he says, collecting his credit card from the wallet the waiter has placed back on the table, stuffing a gratuity inside and then rising to pull Kate's chair out from the table.

"Is that a promise?" asks Kate, catching his wrist to still him, suddenly feeling bolder than she has all evening.

"That's...whatever you want it to be," Castle tells her sincerely, slipping his arm around her waist and leaning in to caress her bare neck with his lips. "No pressure," he adds in a whisper, kissing her ear before leading her back out into the main dining room.

He stays behind her all the way, watching as people stop eating, drinking and talking to stare at his elegant wife as she walks through the restaurant, graciously thanking the staff who bow slightly as she passes. He's pretty sure he's never felt prouder, and he thinks it's possible she's never looked more beautiful. And he's also pretty certain she has no idea about either.

* * *

Out on the street, SoHo is still busy, the balmy evening drawing people out to eat and drink and linger.

"Long way home or shortcut?" he asks, helping her on with her jacket.

"If I say shortcut, I don't want you to misconstrue my meaning. Because I've had the best time tonight, Castle."

"Baby Jack?" he asks, understanding perfectly her need to get home to check on their son.

But Kate shakes her head and steps in close to him, smoothing both hands up over his chest and then linking them behind his neck, her body pressed flush against his.

"Baby Jack's dad," she confesses with a grin, her eyes shining up at him, before she sinks her teeth into her lower lip in that sexy, sinful way of hers that sends his pulse racing.

"He must be quite something, this guy," teases Castle with delight, swallowing hard, his fingers gently caressing her hips, being so careful just to follow her lead in this, to move at her pace.

Kate nods slowly, looking into his eyes, a smile blossoming on her lips.

"Oh, he is," she grins cleverly, stretching up to meet his mouth in a soft, teasing kiss that showers sparks behind her eyes and sends them both rocking on their feet.

A ragged, guttural moan of need issues from Castle's throat and Kate clings onto him.

"Shortcut it is," he says gruffly, resting his forehead against hers for a second until they catch their breath, before taking hold of her hand and turning them back towards home.

* * *

_A/N: One more to go, I think. But as Chuck Berry says: "C'est la vie", say the old folks, it goes to show **you never can tell**." Liv_


	4. Chapter 4 - I've Been Missing You

_A/N: So, it kind of had to happen...we're switching to M eventually with this chapter. Hope you enjoy!_

_The quote at the beginning of the chapter is from a Twitter message that I noticed when atCarolPrince82 retweeted it a couple of weeks ago. Somehow it just fit this story perfectly..._

* * *

_"I missed you," I said. You laid there, still and quiet. _

_I took up my pen and dragged it across your pages. Suddenly we were one again._

_**-atVeryShortStory**_

* * *

**_Chapter 4: Because I've Been Missing You_**

Castle ushers Kate into the lobby of their building, his fingers pressed low down against her spine in that intimate dip he long ago claimed as his own. He planned to give Eduardo no more than a fleeting wave on their way passed. But the family man wants to see pictures, and so they both end up pulling out their cell phones to show him the latest shots of baby Jackson.

Jack sleeping, Jack with his eyes open, Jack being bathed, Jack smiling - swears Castle, though Kate is pretty sure it's just wind - and Jack with big sister, Alexis, the cutest picture of all.

Once the full set is exhausted, Castle bids the doorman a hasty goodnight and tows Kate across to the elevator faster than he intends, her heels clicking loudly on the marble tile to keep up with him.

"That was a little rude," she chides, once they are safely inside, and he sighs.

"Was it? I didn't mean to be," he replies, feigning ignorance, finger stabbing at the button for the top floor.

"And a little obvious," she adds, grinning, when he backs her into the corner of the car to pepper butterfly kisses all along her jawline.

"My wife turns heads wherever she goes. Can't blame a man for wanting to admire her himself," he grumbles, sucking her earlobe into his mouth and spiking her heart rate in the process.

Kate clutches at his shoulders, her head thrown back against the wall of the elevator car, flames licking heat all over her body, her chest heaving, a flare of pure electricity shooting straight to her core every time Castle sucks a little harder.

* * *

The bell dings and the doors slide open, but neither of them move. Kate's brain won't function, her body is on fire and Castle is…well, Castle is busy '_admiring_' his wife, until…

Alexis clears her throat and they stiffen, so to speak. Quickly attempting to get themselves under control: smoothing down clothing, coughing awkwardly, before slowly turning around to face the music in what feels like the mother of all role-reversals. If she utters the words '_And what time do you call this?'_ Kate thinks she will not be in the least bit surprised.

Their daughter is standing staring at them, a knotted garbage bag dangling from one hand, Jack's baby monitor in the other.

"Good night?" she asks, barely containing a smirk, and they both choose to assume her question is rhetorical, since the evidence of their 'good night' is currently smeared all over Castle's mouth.

"Dad, you have…" says Alexis, pointing to his face.

"Spinach?" he asks, poking at his teeth.

"Lipstick," mutters Kate, mortified.

Quickly rummaging in her purse for a Kleenex, Kate pulls out a terry burping cloth instead. She looks down at it, shrugs, and uses the penguin-decorated flannel to wipe the pale pink gloss off Castle's face, stuffing it back into her bag and stepping out of the elevator with as much poise as she can muster, before the doors can close on them and the comedy deepen any further.

"How's Jack?" she ask Alexis, turning one way, while Castle takes the garbage bag from the girl's hand and heads off towards the chute in the opposite direction.

Alexis glances after her father, and then turns to follow Kate.

"Sleeping," she confirms, linking arms with her stepmom. "He woke at a quarter after nine and I gave him a bottle. Then he grizzled for a little while, until I read to him. Did you know he loves '_On The Night You Were Born'_?" Alexis asks her, raising her eyebrows at the irony.

"If only he knew," mutters Kate, flashing back to the dire emergency that was her son's birth.

"Apart from that, all good. I checked on him ten minutes ago. And _this_," she says, waving the wireless receiver in front of Kate, "never left my sight."

Kate smiles gratefully at her stepdaughter.

"You're so good with him," she tells her, squeezing her arm, "we'll definitely be calling on you again."

"Does that mean you guys had fun tonight? Because it looks like you were having a _whole lot_ _of fun_," she teases, and Kate shakes her head.

"Nothing remains a secret in this family for long. Speaking of, did you know about this?" asks Kate, holding out her hand to Alexis to show her the eternity ring.

"Dad might have given me a tiny sneak peek," she confesses, cradling Kate's hand in her own to get a better look. "But it looks way more gorgeous on."

"I was speechless," admits Kate, admiring the ring now they're home, under their own lighting.

"You deserve it. To celebrate the birth of baby Jack," Alexis tells her, running her finger over the stones.

"Well, I couldn't feel more blessed."

"How're my girls," booms Castle, closing and locking the front door behind him.

"_Shhh!_" they both hiss, turning to face him in perfect sync, each with a finger pressed to their lips.

"Now, _that_ was just scary," says Castle, staring at his puzzled wife and daughter. "The way you two just…" he adds, waving a hand between both of them.

"Keep it down. You'll wake the baby," Kate warns him.

"I'm going to go up to bed," says Alexis, giving Kate a kiss on the cheek. "I'll give this to you," she adds, handing over the baby monitor. "But I'll check on him before I turn in."

"Thank, Alexis. I'll be up soon," says Kate, bidding her goodnight.

"You did good, eldest child of mine," jokes Castle, tackling Alexis in a bear hug.

Kate watches them wrestle for a second and then she heads off to the bedroom with a smile of her face.

* * *

Once inside, she drops her jacket on the chair and quickly slips out of her dress, hanging it back on the hangar in the closet. Then she heads into the bathroom to slip on her silky black robe over her underwear. She uses the toilet, washes her hands and quickly removes the disposable nursing pads she's been wearing from inside the cups of her bra.

"Sexy," she mutters to herself, tossing the pads into the trash with a grimace.

She unpins her hair, brushes it out, curls tumbling down around her shoulders, fluffing it up with her fingers until she's satisfied with the tousled effect. She's reapplying a touch of lipgloss to her smudged lips when she hears a light tap on the bathroom door.

"All good?" she asks, when Castle pops his head around the door.

"Mmm. He looks adorable," he replies, coming in to join her. "Arms thrown up above his head," he tells her, moving to stand behind Kate so that they're looking at one another in the bathroom mirror.

He rests his hands on her waist and nuzzles her neck, brushing her hair aside with his nose.

"You took your dress off," he observes, running his thumbs up over the underside of her ribcage. "That used to be my job," he whispers, sliding one hand over the silk of her short robe so it rests flat against her stomach. "But I like this too," he grins, rubbing a slow circle over the silky, black fabric with the palm of his hand.

* * *

Kate stiffens when she feels his hand on her stomach, her personal hang-ups over her scars resurfacing to undo the good work of the evening. But she knows she has to push past this. When she got shot, Castle accepted those scars as if they were his wounds too; he owned them for both of them. She knows this should be no different; because he loves her, he's her husband. But still nagging doubts remain.

"So…he's sound?" she asks, laying her own hand over Castle's, pressing her fingers into the spaces between his and resting her head against his temple.

Castle nods and closes his eyes when she lifts her free hand up to cup the back of his neck, feathering her fingertips back and forth over the short, soft hair she knows she'll find there.

The eternity ring sparkles in light from the halogen spots above them and Kate watches it in the mirror, twinkling back at her; three steppingstones of commitment now layered on her ring finger. From here to eternity, she thinks, glancing up at Castle, whose eyes remain closed.

He's humming softly next to her ear, rocking them from side-to-side, and a shiver of pleasure and contentment races down her spine; his warm, muscular bulk pressed against her back, his arms around her, surrounding her with his warmth.

When he opens his eyes, drawn by her stillness and silence no doubt, Kate looks torn – between wanting her husband and needing to see her son.

"Go," he tells her, reading her mind. "I'll be waiting," he whispers, kissing her cheek and raising his hands to quickly massage her shoulders.

She gives him a grateful smile for being so understanding and squeezes his wrist, before leaving the bathroom.

* * *

Jack is still stretched out just as Castle described. The white blanket is tucked low down on his waist, his head is turned to one side, and his arms are indeed thrown over his head, fingers curled into loose fists that flex now and then as he breathes or dreams.

Kate tips her head to one side, leaning over the bars of his crib to watch her baby sleeping, a deep feeling of peace settling in her chest, and she finds herself breathing in time with him – shorter, shallower, more rapid breaths – as she leans down to stroke her finger over the soft swell of his cheek.

Jack's lips twitch at his mother's touch, forming into a tiny rosebud pucker that he pulses in and out for a second, until Kate withdraws her hand and lets him settle. He blows out one long breath that sends his lower lip out and downwards and then he stretches, his fingers splaying star-shaped, his pale face flushing red for several seconds, until he relaxes again and his tiny fingers curl into his palms once more and he sleeps on; peacefully.

When she comes back downstairs, Castle is sitting up in bed, his book open in his lap. His eyes closed and he's sleeping soundly like his baby son. Kate tiptoes over to his side of the bed to turn out the lamp and he stirs at the click when the light is extinguished.

* * *

"Hey," he says, blinking and smiling at her.

"You were sleeping," she says softly.

"No," protests Castle, stretching just like Jackson – a rapid tense and relax. "I was waiting for you," he replies, setting his book aside on the nightstand. "All good up there?" he asks, holding out his hand to her.

Kate takes it, perches on the edge of the bed beside him.

"Perfect," she grins, unable to hide her pride for her infant. "Spark out."

"How long have we got until the next feed?" asks Castle, reaching out to check his phone.

"A couple of hours, if he goes to form," she tells him, butterflies taking flight in her stomach at the question.

"Come, lie down," he tells her, tugging the covers aside and holding them back for her.

Kate frowns, unsure what he means.

"Spoon with me, Mrs. Castle," he clarifies, rolling her into bed under the covers beside him.

Kate's mind is working over time. Tonight was supposed to be _the _night. She's waxed and primped and buffed to near perfection, and now she can't tell if Castle is giving her an out because he's trying to go easy and senses her hesitancy, or if he's tired himself or…

"Kate, stop thinking so loud," he murmurs, throwing one leg over her thigh and wrapping an arm around her upper body; cocooning her.

She's at a crossroads – accept that nothing's going to happen for them tonight and snatch the couple of hours of snuggling and blissful sleep that's on offer, _or_ force the issue and reclaim the physical intimacy that's been missing from their marriage since just before Jack was born. If she gives in to sleep she realizes how disappointed she'll be with herself, so she resorts to dirty tricks, feeling a wicked smile growing on her lips once the decision is made.

* * *

Castle's breathing is even, but she can tell from experience that he isn't sleeping yet, just on the verge. So she wiggles her hips back against him, grinding the cheeks of her ass against his pelvis until she feels his fingers twitch on her arm and, after a beat or two, a responding press of his hips back against her rear.

"Kate?" he whispers, raising his head off the pillow slightly until he has a partial view of her.

"Mmm?" she purrs, with a smile on her face.

"Are you sleeping?" he hisses.

"What do _you_ think?" she asks, moving against him with more intention now, a rhythmic circling of her hips that's turning her on with it's familiar, suggestive movement.

Castle hand slides down her side, coming to rest on her hip and his fingers tighten over the bone, drawing her back against him more tightly, and then she feels him press himself against her, his own body quickly stirring with need.

They rock quietly like that for a minute or so, neither of them saying anything, just slowly working one another up, their need growing, unfurling, breathing slow and shallow, heart rates increasing, two familiar bodies warming up together.

Eventually, Castle slides his hand across her abdomen and his fingers find the tie on the front of her robe. One gentle tug and the silk comes fluttering free and he slides his hand inside, seeking out warm skin, smoothing his palm flat against her stomach again. Kate holds her breath for a second, still circling her hips, and Castle leans in close to kiss her neck.

"We can do as little or as much as you want," he tells her quietly, brushing his lips over her ear.

Kate swallows nervously, and the sound seems gargantuan to her own ears.

"I want _you_," she whispers, thickly, rolling over so that Castle can see her face, can see the need etched into every hollow and curve, the swell of her lips, the arch of her cheekbones, the creases that border each eye.

"Are you sure, because—?" he asks hesitantly, until she places one finger on his lips to silence him.

"Shhh, Castle," she whispers, replacing her finger with a kiss. "I'm sure. Make love to me."

* * *

He kisses _her_ then, smothers her lips with his own, steals the air from her lungs, desperate to have Kate, to love Kate, to show her her own magnificence. Because he knows that she's forgotten, can see that she got side-tracked, diminished, frightened and weakened by the experience of the attack that precipitated her son's birth. The attacked that robbed her of a natural delivery, scarred her body and added to the confusion and helplessness that followed for a few weeks after. He want's to help her find her equilibrium again, show her her own strength and beauty, let her see herself through _his_ eyes – and the eyes of everyone else who gazes upon her.

He pauses his assault on her mouth to slip her robe off one shoulder, exposing the smooth expanse of skin and the delicate strap of her bra. He palms her swollen breast through the cup of satin and lace with more care and delicacy that he normally would, lingering there only briefly. Then he moves away to her neck, kissing his way down to her collarbone, licking the dip at the base of her throat, trailing kisses all the way down to the soft valley of her cleavage, and she writhes beneath him, her body so hot and feverish as she grasps his shoulder and cups his head to her chest.

Her hand is suddenly on his erection, and when she palms him through his shorts he lets out a loud groan of need.

"You're sure?" he asks her again, stilling to look at her, his heart racing.

"I won't break, Castle," she warns him, surging up to capture his mouth with her own, her fingers fisting his hair, pulling his weight on top of her.

He presses her back into the pillows, slides the robe down her arms until she's lying there in just her bra and panties. He kneels up to look at her, and she turns her head away, as if she's bracing herself for his gaze.

"You're so beautiful," he tells her, running his hands up her thighs, and then crawling up over her body to press a light kiss to her cheek. "Look at me," he asks gently. "Kate?"

She turns to look up at him, her gaze so open and vulnerable and he takes her hand, joins it with his own and lays them both flat on her stomach, then he leans down and kisses her scar – the one from the attack – smoothing their joined hands over the slightly reddened arc.

"All gone," he whispers, letting go of her hand to hook his thumbs into the sides of her underwear, easing the laces panties down a little on her hips, until her C-section scar is exposed too.

He looks up at her face so lovingly and she reaches up to cup his cheek with her hand, runs her thumb beneath one eye.

He turns his head to kiss her palm and then he lowers himself to kiss this scar too, soothing her with his fingers when she shivers.

Kate arches her hips up towards him this time, since he's achingly close to where she really needs him.

"Okay?" he checks, smiling when he gets a vigorous nod in response.

"Touch me?" she begs, her voice a strained whisper of need. "Please, Rick?"

* * *

Castle cups her between her legs with the flat of his hand, watching her face as she moves her hips, grinding herself against him. He can feel the moisture of her arousal soaking through the fine silk of her panties, and he rubs his thumb over the very base of her stomach, applying just a little pressure that has her arching up against him again.

Kate clutches at the sheets, her hands clenching into tight fists and she thrashes her head from side-to-side on the pillow. Her chest is flushed, and her cheeks are the prettiest pink, her arousal so evident, so needy.

He slips his hand into her underwear then, feeling himself grow even harder when his fingers glide through her slippery, wet folds, startled by how much she wants this.

"Oh, god, yes," slips free from her lips, and she reaches behind her with one arm to grip the headboard above her for support.

She begins to rock her pelvis back and forth, experimentally, gliding her body over Castle's outstretched, stiffened fingers, testing muscles she hasn't engaged in a while.

It doesn't take long, just a couple of minutes at most. He hasn't even penetrated her with his fingers when she comes, quaking and shivering, her legs spread wide as he gives her all the friction she needs against her entrance and her clitoris to make her come this first time, her sex pulsating strongly against his sticky palm.

She comes round quickly, as if from a trance, blinking her eyes open, and then smiling up at him, looking so pleased with herself, as if she just did something terribly clever. He thinks she might even laugh. She's learning to trust her body again, finding that it still works in all the right ways, and he's proud to be the one to help her do that; to give her back the supreme confidence she's always had as a woman.

"You look magnificent," he tells her, leaning down her to give her a kiss. "Good?" he asks, as she continues to come down from her high, stretching languidly.

"Great," she whispers, cupping his cheeks in her hands and kissing him thoroughly.

She wraps her arms around his neck, tugging him down on top of her, hooking one leg round behind his thigh as she continues to kiss him lazily, wetly, her mouth open, tongue juicy and succulent against his.

Castle feels himself hardening again and then Kate presses herself up against her erection, dipping the fingers of her free hand under the waistband at the back of his boxers to pluck distractedly at them.

"Your turn," she whispers, smiling serenely. "Let's take these off."

* * *

Castle tugs off his own underwear and then helps her off with hers. She's still wearing her bra and he thinks she looks so sexy, so wanton; her hair disheveled over the pillow, her pale skin glowing in the muted lamplight.

"Rick," she whispers, the hard k sound clicking on her tongue.

He looks down at her, the mother of his tiny baby son, and he sees how she needs him to see her now, so he brushes his fingers gently, achingly slowly up the inside of her thigh, and she lets her knees fall apart for him as he leans down to kiss his way up the inside of the opposite thigh, while Kate runs her hands through his hair, pressing her hips down into the mattress to fight the growing need that's overtaking her again; the need to be touched by him.

She finally curls one hand under his chin to get his attention, drawing his head back up until they are eye-to-eye.

"I want you inside me," she tells him, her tone close to begging, and he leans down, brushes his lips over hers so gently and then kisses her mouth so passionately that she digs her nails into his back and arches beneath him.

He cups the cheeks of her ass and tugs her towards him, sliding her down the bed until they are aligned, and then with one hand on his erection, her teases her entrance with his soft, glistening tip.

Kate's eyes watch him darkly, silently, her breath held. The operation to deliver Jack was unplanned, terrifying, but if ever there is a time for silver linings, thinks Kate, then this is it, as she lays her hand over her husband's, wraps her fingers around him and guides him inside of her. Her body is still as tight and elastic as ever. She sheaths herself around him, flexing her inner walls and Castle jerks slightly a couple of times, breathing heavily to contain his need, looking for all the world as if it's their first time all over again.

"God, I missed you," he chokes out, in a flood of honesty, his eyes shooting guiltily to her face.

But she smiles up at him, letting him know that it's okay, she feels the same way too.

"I love you, Kate," he whispers, as she pulls him down to kiss his mouth, while they begin their familiar dance.

* * *

She holds him close, her diamond rings sparkling every time he move inside of her, inching closer, a slow glide in and out, never moving very far, her arm around his shoulders, their cheeks pressed together, both aching with pent up need.

"I love you too," she tells him back, relishing the sensation of his body gliding up against hers, his smooth skin brushing over hers, every nerve ending alive, his muscles tightening and flexing under her hands as he does most of the work this time.

"I need you," he grinds out, through gritted teeth, his thoughts beyond filtered by this stage, breathing heavily through his nose.

"I need you too," confesses Kate, dropping her hand from his shoulder to cup his muscled ass and draw him further into her.

Her core needs strengthening, but her arms are strong and he takes the hint, increasing his thrusts at her urging, his eyes never leaving her face in case she ever needs to stop or take a break.

"Why don't we do this every night?" she blurts, almost giggling when Castle's eyes grow wide.

"Just say the word," he retorts, leaning down over her to plant kisses on her chest.

* * *

Kate slides one strap down her arm and then frees her swollen breast from the cup of her bra. She's new to this, doesn't know how her body will react, but she wants them both the enjoy this as much as possible, and if anyone appreciates a little comedy during life's more serious moments, then she knows it's her husband.

She cups the back of his head, guiding him down towards her breast. His eyes flash to hers and she nods, smiling her permission. So he flicks her peaked nipple with the very tip of his tongue and the most amazing sensation shoots straight to her core, forcing her hips up against his, tightening her inner muscles fiercely around him.

"Jeez," curses Castle, "that was amazing," he grins, flicking at her nipple again and glancing up at her to witness her eyes roll back in her head as she clutches at the muscles of his back, her fingertips gripping him hard.

"You're not kidding," she gasps, quivering, watching as he swirls his tongue around the areola, the tissue darker in color, swollen, the veins in her breasts more visible through her skin than before.

"Does it feel good?" he asks, genuinely curious, kissing the swell of her breast, cupping the extra weight of it in his hand, nudging the other breast with his nose as he slowly drags his tongue up from her sternum into the warm, sensuous valley between them.

"Mmm. Sensitive," she murmurs, sliding her fingers through his hair again, holding him to her, continuing to circle her hips in time with his. "_So_ sensitive," she repeats, as a shiver rips right through her body.

"_Good _sensitive?" he asks, peeling the rest of her bra aside to devote some attention to her other breast.

This time, when he flicks the little hardened peak with his tongue, a pale, watery bead of foremilk crests at her nipple and begins a slow descent down the side of her breast. Castle gives her a dirty, mischievous look, arches his body into hers so that her mind is elsewhere and then he runs his tongue down the side of her breast to catch the trickle; tiny, rough little flicks of his tongue that drive her absolutely crazy.

"Ohhh! Oh, _God_," she exclaims, feverishly, grinding into him, "too good. Gotta stop," she hisses, guiding his mouth back up to hers, a little worried that the leaking will get worse, since it's been a few hours since she expressed milk for Jack.

"Always wanted to do that," grins Castle, dropping his hand to her hips to hold her still and take control.

* * *

Kate struggles beneath him, her chin set with determination, eyes darkening, but he holds her steady while she fights him, thrusting into her gradually, over and over again; this their game: one where she feigns submission while Castle overpowers her.

She usually takes control back at some point, but this time is content to let him keep it, content to be mastered a little this first go around. It does feel different, but better in some ways. Her body is softer, curvier, more womanly even, less toned and athletic for now, and Castle doesn't seem to mind any of these changes in the slightest. Everything is tingling, her senses heightened, her body so sensitive to the touch.

"I'm not going to last much longer," he confesses, rocking gently in place for a second to get himself under control.

"Right with you," assures Kate, dragging her nails over the twin mounds of his rock-hard ass to spur him on.

"Evil woman," he grins, snatching at her mouth, nipping her lip until she whimpers, all her insecurities forgotten thanks to Castle's playful, skillful, loving nature making her feel like herself again.

* * *

When he spills inside her, her own orgasm peaks, her body releasing with startling power for a second time that night. She trembles around him, aching, her open mouth pressed to his damp shoulder, fingers caressing his skin, arms tucked under his, holding him tightly against her.

"What was that?" she asks, stiffening, a second or two later, as the baby monitor flashes to life and they both let out a startled breath that quickly becomes a giggle, collapsing in a sweaty heap on the sheets.

"That was your son," replies Castle, kissing her damp forehead.

"Oh, _my_ son?" laughs Kate, smacking his arm. "Perfect timing, Jack," she pants, dropping her head back against the pillow in exhaustion.

"Stay there," Castle tells her, pressing one last kiss to her lips. "I'll bring the little guy down and you can feed him in bed."

"Thanks," groans Kate, struggling to sit up.

Castle quickly goes to the bathroom to clean up and then pulls on some pajama pants, before running upstairs to see to a grizzling Jackson.

Kate uses the bathroom and tidies herself up, washes her hands, drags some clean underwear out of the drawer along with a cotton tank for later. She feels lighter, more relaxed and full of energy.

* * *

She's just settling back under the covers when Castle reappears with their wide-awake infant cradled against his bare chest.

"_See_. Here's mommy," he sings to the little boy, kissing the back of his head, and Kate holds out her arms to him.

Her heart aches when she spies the single tear resting on her baby's cheek, as Castle places him in her arms, and then catches sight of his puckered lower lip, looking as if he really is sad this time.

"Aww, baby," she coos, rocking him against her. "Did we ignore you?"

"I think he's jealous daddy got to have fun with mommy tonight," jokes Castle, handing Kate a blurping cloth and a glass of water.

She swallows down half the glass in one go, and then passes it back to Castle, laying the cloth over her shoulder in preparation for feeding.

Jackson begins to fuss again until she puts him to her breast and then he settles instantly, kicking his feet against her arm, long toes outstretched, his snuffly breathing breaking the quiet of the bedroom.

Castle climbs into bed beside them, careful not to jostle mother and son, and then he sits quietly watching his little boy nurse.

"That was quite a night," he says at length, stroking the baby's cheek.

Kate nods, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Think Alexis might be free again next week?" she asks, giving him a meaningful look and then taking his hand.

Jackson sneezes and they both laugh.

"If she's not, I'm pulling rank," says Castle, a little over-eagerly.

"I really had fun tonight," Kate tells him quietly, rocking Jack back and forth. "I love being this little guy's mom. But I'm still _me_, you know?" she tells Castle, turning to look at him to make sure he understands what she's saying.

"Kate, you never stopped being you. Not in my eyes," he reassures her. "You just became…_more_," he adds, leaning in to kiss her softly, threading his fingers through her hair.

Jack squirms in the middle of their group hug, punching the air with one tiny fist, the nails of his other hand embedded in Kate's forearm. But he keeps on feeding regardless; suckling, lip smacking sounds filling the air.

"Thank you," she whispers, reaching up to touch Castle's cheek, her eyes shining with so much love for him, before they both smile and then look back down to watch over their baby boy.

* * *

_A/N: The End. I hope you enjoyed that. Love to hear your thoughts. Thank you to all who read and reviewed on the way through. You keep me going. Liv_


End file.
